Starting is supposed to be the hard part, so. . .here’s the start.
First of all, there won’t really be any confessions. If I wanted catharsis I’d tell my wife and take my lumps. Since I’m writing here, not telling her, then I see no reason to expose myself to danger by allowing you rat-finks to tell her I’m writing stuff on the web. Not that I think you’re all rat-finks, but some of you undoubtedly are, so I have to take into account the lowest common denominator.
Why does on expose oneself to ridicule by writing a blog? Well, I’m doing it to learn a bit about myself as I go along. Do I really think writing some anonymous drivel will help in that? I’m not sure, but it can’t hurt. Unless you tell my wife, and then it could hurt quite a bit. Ha, ha, just kidding! Love you, Honey!
You never know. Gotta cover all the bases.
Where was I? Yeah, self-discovery, journey of a thousand words, etc. etc.
I should tell you from the start that I’m moderately happy. And that qualifier is painful. It detracts from my enjoyment of being even moderately happy. It makes my moderately happy sound like simple contentment, and that’s just wrong. There’s nothing wrong with my life that isn’t common. I’m happily married (see? I didn’t have to qualify that statement). I have a son who’s brought more joy into my life than I thought he would (more, much more, on fatherhood later on), and a decent job. Not a swell job, nor one that will let me retire at 45, or 50, or probably even 62, but it’s a decent job none the less. And yet I’m only moderately happy, not ecstatic. As I see it, I deserve to be ravingly happy and unlimitedly joyful all the time. Well, not all the time, but by golly I deserve to be happy almost all the time.
Maybe I should begin there. Why do I deserve to be happy? Does someone owe me happiness? I can assure you, if I had an IOU for deliriously happy in my wallet I’d take advantage of it. Now, I’m not going to get into the religious aspects of it. At least not any more than what is absolutely required to explore the subject. This is going to be more stream-of-consciousness and I don’t want to stop and look up bible verses (or find quotes from Sartre if that’s the direction of the moment).
Maybe not even that, after all, I am a slacker.
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